愛的痛了,痛的哭了

推薦人:匿名 來源: 網友推薦 時間: 2015-06-16 10:35 閱讀:
愛的痛了,痛的哭了
夜深人靜,窗外,月亮在偷偷地望著無眠的我。靜坐屏前,當我敲下這個題目,心,是痛的。眼睛也是酸澀的,一股熱淚禁不住流了出來,流進嘴里,我默默的品嘗著它的苦澀。看著身邊熟睡的兒子,心里像打翻了五味瓶,咀嚼著澀澀的眼淚,我深深地自責。因為我的忙碌早上兒子沒吃上早飯,空著肚子去了學校,我的心痛了整整一天。而這樣的事情已經不是兩三次。

  仔細想來,自孩子的爺爺出車禍至今已經將近四年了,這段時間里,為了照顧公公,我忽略了兒子,也欠下了他太多太多。世上哪個媽媽不愛自己的孩子?我也愛我的孩子,我想讓我的愛伴隨兒子每天都健康快樂的成長。可是,愛,有時也有很多無奈……

  公公出車禍那年,兒子才三歲。那場車禍差點奪取了老人的生命,經過醫院幾次搶救,雖撿回了一條命,但是公公從此癱瘓在床。那段日子,我每天三點一線:家里,單位,醫院,來回穿梭。而老公也是忙得不可開交,公司,家里,醫院。兒子也因這次變故送去我媽那里,讓媽媽幫忙照看。為了照顧公公,我很少回媽媽那里看兒子。一是因為路遠,再就是公公身邊需要人照顧。由于車禍時公公的肺部受到猛烈撞擊,再加上長久的躺在床上,他的肺部感染化膿了,但是公公也因腦部受傷失去了基本的咳痰意識,所以醫生在他的氣管部位切了一個小口,每天,只要公公肺部有痰,我們就得幫他從那個氣切口吸痰。如果有痰時,沒有及時給吸出來,他就會憋的喘不過氣來,公公身邊一刻都不能離開人。所以為了老人,我只能暫時委屈兒子,我也總是想,等老人好了,我一定要好好彌補我對兒子欠下的所有的愛。

  然,沒想到公公在醫院一躺就是半年多。半年的時間,對于思念兒子的我來說,好似半個世紀般漫長……

  三歲的孩子,正是每天趴在媽媽懷里撒嬌的年紀,可我卻不能陪在兒子身邊。每次去醫院的路上,看到和兒子相同年紀的孩子,想念兒子的心都會好痛。看著媽媽們帶著自己的孩子在廣場上蕩秋千,做游戲,玩的不亦樂乎,再想想我的孩子此時正呆在離我很遠的姥姥家里,孤獨的等待我去接他回家。每每此時,心里都會像堵了一塊大石頭,沉重而又深痛。淚眼迷蒙中,看到的都是兒子小小的身影在眼前晃動。每個夜晚來臨的時候,也是思念最深最濃的時候,思念似雜草般瘋長,滿滿的,刺痛著心房。無數無眠的夜晚,無數無盡的想念。兒子長高了沒有?沒有我給講故事的夜晚,兒子會不會乖乖的睡著?……

  日子在每天的忙碌中悄然而逝,就在我們家所有積蓄基本花光的時候,公公的狀況總算穩定下來。醫院領導說,雖然癱瘓,不能自理,但也不會再有壞的發展。所以,建議出院回家了。此時的兒子,也到了上幼兒園的年齡,終于從媽媽那里接了回來。

  本來想著兒子回來后我要好好彌補半年來對他的虧欠,我要給他無盡的溫暖,愛與陪伴。怎奈,此時我們家境不如從前,很多事情并不是我想就能如愿。由于公公車禍肇事司機逃逸,三十多萬的醫療費用讓我們家的生活一度拮據起來。出院回家后,其實并不比在醫院少花錢。為了不讓癱瘓在床的公公起褥瘡,我們買來充氣墊放在他的床上,給他吸痰要用吸痰管,吸痰就要蘸著生理鹽水,怕他大小便失禁要買成人護理床墊,每天要換脖子上切口的紗布,換紗布就要消毒液,消毒棉球等等……每天用的這些東西必不可少,這些錢也是必花的。所以,我們平時的生活開支自然會精打細算。我幾乎不給兒子買玩具、零食,水果也買的很少。由于我的時間都用在了工作和照顧老人身上,更是很少帶兒子出去玩。很多個周末,兒子看到別的孩子都和大人一起出去游玩,他也想讓我帶出去轉轉。怎奈我時間排的滿滿的,總是不能如他所愿。孩子小小的心靈似乎懂得很多,他問我是不是因為出去玩我怕他他要玩具而不愿意帶他出去。他還說,他只想出去玩玩,不會要玩具的。聽他那樣一問,心里的痛無法言說。幾次三番的這樣,心,不只是痛,而是生生的像刀割一樣,在流血,在承受折磨。眼淚在眼眶打著轉,流在了心里。每當夜深人靜的時候,看著兒子熟睡的臉,淚眼婆娑,內心的愧疚不只是一點點,我也知道我對兒子的虧欠更不只是一點點……也曾發誓,只要有時間,一定要帶他出去轉轉。這樣的愿望我在心里許了一遍又一遍,怎奈我瑣事太多,終是無法實現。

  清楚地記得那個周末,有朋自遠方來,我去赴約。臨出門前兒子想要跟隨,我猶豫了一下,但仔細一想,一直都是說要帶她出去玩一次的,何不趁此機會帶著呢?隨即我決定帶之前往。

  當走到文化廣場時,兒子想停下來過去玩一會,我怕朋友久等就不想答應,告訴他等我見完朋友再帶他來這里玩。但是兒子用祈求的語氣說:‘媽媽,我就玩五分鐘好不好?我保證只玩不買東西,不亂花錢’。聽到兒子這樣說心里像被什么扎了一下,酸酸的,很痛。回想這幾年,很多次答應兒子有時間就帶他出來玩,一直都沒有實現對他的承諾。于是,我決定陪兒子玩一會再去朋友那赴約。周末的廣場上,人很多也很熱鬧。有老人在唱京劇,有孩子在溜旱冰,還有很多中年人在跳廣場舞。(美文欣賞 )兒子這邊看看,那邊看看,跑到這邊,又跑到那邊,興奮極了,也開心極了。雖然廣場上也有很多賣玩具的,賣好吃的,但是兒子都只是看看,沒要求我買。不一會,就看到兒子跑的滿頭大汗。我要給他買瓶水,可是他卻說他不渴,不讓我亂花錢。兒子如此這般,惹的我心里一陣酸楚,眼淚差點就掉出來。玩了不知有幾分鐘,兒子說:‘媽媽,五分鐘到了吧?咱們走吧?’想到酒店朋友還在那里等候,我就帶著兒子離開了。

  來到朋友下榻的酒店,朋友已在那里恭候多時。我和兒子一進他的休息室就看到桌子上已經備好了水果。鮮紅的大櫻桃和紅澄澄的大蘋果,恰巧都是兒子愛吃的。我看到兒子目不轉睛的盯著水果,知道他很想吃,但是他沒有主動去拿。朋友大概也看出來,就拿起櫻桃遞給兒子讓他吃。可兒子沒有伸手接,望著我,那眼神我看得出是想讓我點頭。看到兒子那種眼神,心里又一次被什么刺痛,但更多的是內疚。由于平時都是考慮怎么給孩子的爺爺增加營養的問題,我卻忽略了孩子,就連最普通的水果都沒怎么給他買過幾次。此時,兒子看到朋友準備的大櫻桃和蘋果,這種垂涎欲滴的表現,我是十分理解的。看著兒子期待的目光,我替兒子接過朋友手中的水果遞給他,兒子迫不及待開心的吃起來。兒子吃的津津有味,我的心里卻像打翻了五味瓶,各種滋味集聚其中,淚眼也再一次朦朧……

  世上有一種愛叫:只要你要,只要我有;傾我所能、盡我所有。我愛我的孩子,就像全天下父母愛自己的孩子一樣,我想讓兒子快樂,我想讓孩子也像他其他孩子那樣,可以想去游山玩水就去游山玩水,想要什么玩具就買什么玩具,想吃什么水果就買什么水果……這樣的要求算不算太高?這樣的要求真的不算太高吧?怎奈此時的我,愛的心痛,愛的淚往心里流,獨自咀嚼著生活的無奈與苦澀……

  冰雨原創

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