我不恨,但我沒法諒解

推薦人:[db:作者] 來源: 時間: 2019-06-14 16:02 閱讀:
我不恨,但我沒法諒解

記得小學的時候寫過一篇文章,命名題《我的媽媽》,這是我唯一一篇被老師返回的文章,老師說我沒有感情,文字僵硬,有點像搬抄過來的,其實那就是我搬抄過來的,因為我不知道寫什么

六歲時父親的去世,對不懂事的我打擊依舊很大,直到父親下葬前我還哭得一直吐,也許那時候并不很真實得知道那意味著什么,恐懼卻一直都在,直至八歲我母親離開之后,我才停止做這樣的噩夢:我站在樓梯上,手中拿這玻璃瓶,歡快的沖站在樓梯下的父親揮動手中的瓶子,然后父親笑了,我摔了下來,玻璃瓶扎破了我的大腿,留下了一道像月亮似的疤痕那個即是噩夢,也是現實,因為我的腿上就有著那樣的一道疤

八歲的時候,母親的離開并沒有給我多大的打擊,因為在此之前,他已經改嫁他人婦,我父親去世后的那一年,他就改嫁了,我也自然而然的跟過去當拖油瓶,第二年她就生了一個小孩,可以想象我會受到什么樣的待遇,不至于和演電視一樣撒狗血,但也不會很好過。在我清明回老家掃墓時,她就這樣走了,什么話也沒有提前說,一句話也不曾留下,我聽完叔叔(后來嫁的那個人)說的之后,一句話也沒有說,什么東西也沒有帶,在我父親的墳前座了幾個小時,接受了被拋棄的事實,哭了一場,然后回到我父親在時的那個家,一個人,就這么過下來

現在我二十歲了,中間的酸甜苦辣,只有我自己知道,12年了 ,沒有信,沒有電話,沒有看望,音信全無,我已經淡然接受了,別人經常問我,如果以后你媽媽回來,你會原諒她嗎?從一開始的會到不會到別人已經淡忘這個問題的時候,你又出現了!

而我沒有碰到你,作為一個家里沒有錢供我上大學的年紀的女孩,我選擇北漂,這是上帝的安排,那時候家里人打了30幾通電話,因為電話不再身邊而沒有接,這也是上帝的安排,我想。終于,你和我通上話了,半夜9點,我仍在工作中,你說,我聽不懂你在講什么(我說的是家鄉的方言),我想笑,你,又何曾想聽過我的話!最后我用普通話說了一句;我和你沒有什么好說的,把電話給我姑姑結束了這個通話。

姑姑說你哭的淅瀝嘩啦的,姑姑說你又黑又瘦,姑姑說你說你很想我,姑姑說你說你有苦衷姑姑問你,你還要我嗎?你說要, 我樂了,和姑姑說,這個笑話真好笑十幾年了,一切都晚了,該玩完的,早就沒有續集可以上演了。

今年年初住院了,你知道我的手機號碼,你還是什么也沒有,電話的問候,手機信息的問候等等

這樣的你還想要我說什么哪?

我不恨你 ,但我無法諒解,即使有在的苦衷,十幾年的時間也變質了 那對于我來說,只是無人關心的借口,至少我不會關心,不會相信。

我不恨你,但我無法諒解

標簽:我不恨、但我沒法諒解、

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